Elder Holland

Here's the awesome talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland I was referring to in my post.  Love love love.

When it rains it pours

     Yesterday was one of those days that I was exhausted, and wanted to stay in bed all day long.  But I didn't.  I did the 'right' thing, left my husband and sick 5 year old home, and headed out in 2 degree weather with the 4 other kids to church on my own.
   Besides my new dress being totally electrified from static and creeping up my legs every time I'd walk down the hall, church was lovely and I heard the messages I needed to hear.  I always do, especially on the days I really just want to stay in bed.
     I got a little bit discouraged because it was mentioned in Sunday school (something I already knew but sometimes is hard to hear) that if you're not feeling the spirit in your life you need to re evaluate because feeling the spirit is a good indicator if you're on the right path.  Dang.  I kinda wanted to walk out right then because the guilt was just squeezing my neck.  I've read my scriptures.  mostly.  And I'm good at family prayer, kinda.  And I love to read talks, when I have time which is basically NEVER the past several weeks.  I kinda got that feeling in my throat that I wanted to cry, but I also knew I had 10 minutes left in church and if I did I would have to round up all the kids from all their classrooms and go home, because I couldn't just sit in church and CRY by myself.  I didn't want anyone asking me if I was OK.
    Last week my oldest son told my husband and I that we are just too busy.  He said "Mom sometimes you just need to put your work down and just be with us".  My 10 year old said that.  You know if your 10 year old has to sit you down to have this conversation, you've suddenly reversed roles.
    So when I was sitting down in church, I knew instantly I haven't been the mother I should be.  I've let everything stress me out.  I've let everything give me anxiety and I've been running, NON STOP. And my role as mother and caregiver and nurturer have felt like they were getting in my way of the 'stuff' that I needed to get done.  No wonder I'm not feeling the spirit.  My heart is living on fear, not faith. And my actions have told my family that they need to step aside while I 'get things done'.
   Here's the good news: I recognize it now.  And I started feeling better about things.  So I told my hubbs about my new plan to get refocused and recommit and find balance, and I kissed him goodbye, grabbed the kids and headed out the door to FHE at my parents house with my siblings.
    I got out of my neighborhood. And my car pooped out.  Right there next to Pres. H's house.  It had gas.  It wouldn't start.  My car hadn't even warmed up yet. So there I am sitting with my little girl, my baby, and my oldest son freezing in 0 degree weather with a dead car, and a sick husband at home with my sick boy. (My other son wanted to stay home with my sick Wes-man because he was concerned he'd be lonely)  This was going to be a fun conversation asking the hubby to get out of bed and come rescue me.
    Of course he did graciously and Pres. H came running out to meet us and towed my car into his shop and worked and tinkered and found out the fuel pump was probably out.  On top of my gas being frozen anyway. So I moved car seats, and headed off, AGAIN to FHE.  I think I inhaled dinner and sank a little lower in the couches because I was so comfortable and so happy to be there.  I love being with my siblings. (and I admit, I needed a sister fix to boost me )
     I got home, watched some tv and fell into a blissful sleep. Until my baby got up with a raging fever around 3 am.  and 4 am.  and 5 am.  and 6:30 a.m. poor guy.  It's round 2 of sickness for this kiddo this month.
    Ok.  NOTHING is going to discourage me now.  I'm keeping happy face, I'm keeping faith, and I'm going to make my kids a Crepe feast for breakfast while the repair guy seals the crack in my basement.  Nice guy.  Speako only littleo englisho.  I saw him head out to fill his bucket in the faucet in the backyard.  I ran out there and said "NOOOOOOO!!!  You can't use this faucet!  It has a crack in it and will leak into the basement.  NO FAUCET.  You can use the one inside. You can use the one in the front.  But NO FAUCET back here.  "ess ok, this one fine".   Again  "NOOOO you canNOT use this faucet! NO!" So he walked around front to fill his bucket.  I ran upstairs and grabbed the baby.  As I walk back into the kitchen, WHO do you suppose is attempting to fill his bucket in the backyard?  He opens the door and  says 'no water!'.  
                AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Of COURSE there's not water coming out of it! It's all coming in my BASEMENT! TURN IT OFF POR FAVOR!
Yep.  I walk down stairs and theres a beautiful little waterfall going down the side of my foundation onto the floor.  Luckily nothing was in it's way. Oh boy.  I look at the other guy in the basement and no joke this is what he says:
     he poinst to the stairs behind me and says "He do's it".
I turned around in silence and went upstairs to pull the burning crepe off the stove.
And then I laughed. and laughed. and laughed. and then I cried too.
If resistance comes in 3's, then I am done and ready to move on now!
Funny though.  That very second Elder Hollands voice came into my head with his talk that says "Boy, don't you give up.  Don't you dare quit"  It might sound really cheesy to you.  But I got a lot of comfort in that moment.  And suddenly I felt good.  And I felt the spirit.  And I felt so much relief.  Because if all this is goin down, that must mean I'm doing something right. And that great things are waiting ahead.  And I have a feeling today is going to be a great day after all.
 
   

New Years Resolutions

I have to admit. I have never been happier for a year to be over in my entire life.
  2012 had some awesome times. . .some of the best I've ever had.
But I did some really hard things in 2012 that forced my growth, which is awesome.
But honestly I am so relieved to have that year behind me!
So for 2013 I hope to gain a little more control, for lack of a better word. Not really control, maybe just the ability to 'go with it'. I guess.
One thing I touched on, a little bit, was surrender.
This year I want to be a master surrender-er (so that's not a word, but you know what I'm sayin)
I want to take charge and change the things I can.
I want to let go of the things I can't.
My little perfectionist self says that I will find happiness the day I can control the world and that as soon as we're caught up on school, my house is clean, my laundry is done, and my home is sold, THEN I will find ultimate happiness.  But that's a trap isn't it. 

 

I have a little box.  Nothing fancy.  Just a box.

When I come across something I just can't handle anymore, something that is out of my control, and that could be anything. Relationships, finances, selling my house, whatever it might be, if it's weighing on me, and I can't do anything about it, I surrender it. 

 I write it down, and throw it in the box.

Sounds funny I know. But it works.

So this year my New Years Resolution is to surrender.

I really want to simplify again.  I did that back in 2011 and I think that was my saving grace for 2012.  I took everything out of my life that wasn't necessary.  It was so refreshing!

This year I have a lot of complications.  I'm trying to tell this house, trying to move into a new house, homeschool, a new baby, 2 business's to do the books for, and not to mention all the unexpected things like burst pipes, sick kids, etc etc. 

I need to remind myself that the Lord will provide a way.  One time Elder Holland was giving a talk about the Red Sea.  He said "The Lord will provide a way, when there IS no way". 

So I will conquer everything in my life I am supposed to, but I need to be open to a change in path, keep an open heart, and accept the challenges as they come. 

So here are my goals for the new year:

 

1. Change what I can, love it, and surrender the rest

 

2. Be a better friend. We are wired for connection.

 

3. Take time out for myself. Write down my own dreams and desires.

 

4. Don't limit myself to practical.  I am a risk freak. If there's risk involved, I just won't touch it.  Time to shoot for the stars and cross nothing off the list as unatainable.

 

5. Focus on my family. Time to unplug from Facebook checks on the hour, turn off the tv, and enjoy family dinners again.  My favorite time is night before bed.  The house is quiet, the kids are playing after dinner, I'm putting the last of the dishes in to wash, and I hear a 3 and 5 year olds conversation.

 

6. Go to the temple.  Let go and let God (love that saying)

 

7. Weekly date night- VITAL to a marriages health

 

8. Try skiing- EEEEK I'm nervous

 

9. Get off my sugar addiction

 

10. Get a Newfoundland Dog . . .150lbs of pure love!

 

So there they are.  You know you have the right list, when you look at it without anxiety, but feel invigorated instead.

 

Cheers to 2013!!! 

If you had to choose just one goal, what would it be? Just curious.

BTW. . .I'm working on my vision board and will share it soon. . .I dare you to do one!