If you have a close girlfriend, they know all your secrets and vulnerabilities. And then a fight happens and next thing you know your journal is plastered all over the walls of the highschool and your crush is mortified to look you in the eye. Have you ever seen a guy copy pictures from your journal and plaster it all over the highschool bathroom? Me thinketh not.
Being friends with guys is all fine and dandy too. And that worked for me. But somewhere along the line 'friend' becomes a fuzzy line and things cant stay the same and before you know it they're grabbing your hand and you think 'hello dolly when did this turn into. . . . .THIS?" Then you have to have the awkward conversation of 'not interested' and your best friend turns into your awkward head nod down the hallway friend and well. . . .you get the picture.
The truth is I don't think I was a good friend a lot of my life. I did what I had to to save face, to keep from appearing 'nerdy', and to hide weakness. I had to attempt to avoid all the girls knowing I was just a naïve nerd who was afraid to be kissed (what if word gets out I'm a horrible kisser?!) didn't know how to put on make up right (a friend was mortified I used a brush stroke down her face instead of up it, an unpardonable sin with consequences of a saggy looking face apparently), and looked more like a drowning cat than a coordinated athlete during aerobics class. I was afraid to be loyal. I was terrified to be exposed as weak and vulnerable. And if you're afraid to be real with someone, they in turn don't feel safe with you and that kills a friendship pretty quickly. I didn't learn what true loyalty was until my young adult life.
A series of events the past several years has led me to friendships I desire to keep above anything else. I know I will be friends with these women FOREVER. I will be 80 years old texting them each week. I will be in the next life sitting next to them in our 'creating worlds' class asking them to help me with my homework.
I've learned that friendships with other women are the most valuable relationship I can have on this earth. Remember the book 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge I mentioned a few months ago? I'd like to put a little clip of the book here. It's worded so beautifully I could never do it justice putting it into my own words.
" To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not."
Isn't that beautiful?
"Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines. We love our friends by pursuing them- calls, little presents, cards, invitations to play, to go for a walk, to go to a movie. We offer our hearts."
"The gift of friendship among women is a treasure not to be taken lightly. Women friends become the face of God to one another- the face of grace, of delight, of mercy."
There is nothing more valuable in a relationship, than that to one you can be vulnerable to.
Today I had a friend coming to visit. Usually I fuss around the house for hours scrubbing the bathrooms, turning on the delicious scents into the air, washing dishes and baking cookies for entertaining. But today was different. It was Miss M coming over. My M who knows me better than maybe almost anyone else. She's been my friend for just over 2 years. And she knows every crack and corner in my soul, good and bad, weak and strong. She likes me anyway :)
It was refreshing. I didn't have to stuff my dirty dishes into my pantry or move my laundry off the couch. Miss M was coming to see ME. It reminds me of that clip from best in show. "We can talk or not talk and never run out of things to talk or not talk about"
So I baked some brownies in my messy kitchen, played Parcheesi (in which Miss M creamed me) and sat on the floor listening to her new ocean drum. (Miss M is an amazing music therapist for her profession) It was BLISSFUL. When she left my soul felt light and my heart felt warm. A true friend makes the world melt away for a while.
I'll never take for granted the value of a womans friendship. It's wonderful to be understood, accepted, validated and loved. It's invigorating to have a person you can open up your mistakes to and give you guidance on how to make it right.
'In everyones life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. we should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit" Albert Schweitzer
