March

March seems to be FLYING by!  I can't get over it.  I walk around outside and I am in love with spring.  All my beautiful bulbs I spent weeks planting last year, are beginning to show their beautiful little heads and I'm anxious to see my yard in full color again.
    Today has been a wonderfully hectic day.  I ran errands this morning and then worked on a quilt for my 3 year old daughter, that admittedly, I started before she were even born.  I think it was a blessing though because she 'oohed' and 'ahhed' over the entire thing start to finish.  She made my mother hold it up and 'pet' it.  I love this girl. 
    Getting back home I had quite a pile of MORE office work to do.  (each week I think, after this week I'll FINALLY be caught up, only to realize I've been saying that for 8 months now!) I actually enjoyed it.  It's nice talking to people on the phone that are so kind.  And the best challenge is when you get someone really cranky on the phone, and then get to soften them up so they're talking about their plans for holiday coming up with their kids.  Nobody is cranky without a reason, and I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy a friendly voice during a rough day.  I
     Right now I have my chicken boiling.  I decided to make Chicken Roll-ups for dinner (my FAVE) and watch Downton Abbey while folding laundry.  Sounds a divine way to spend a Friday evening!  Since I've been keeping a gratitude journal I notice everything uplifting in my day.  My dog's paw resting on my foot, my son falling asleep in his highchair, reading a book and seeing the kids spread out all over the room with toys, laughing, drawing, or cuddled in a quilt, or just hearing my hubby snoring next to me while I enjoy a late night episode of Family Feud.  I'm definitely a homebody.
     This weekend I'll be working around the house, and maybe get around to that garage!  I get a little giddy at the thought of parking BOTH cars in the garage again.
    Have a good weekend!
8 year old quotes of the day:
     "Did you know that if you make out you will never have to use chap stick again?  I think I would rather have chapped lips my whole entire life"
      "Just remember, if you think to yourself that you are dumb and aren't good at anything, just remember that you probably aren't a girl after all.  You're most likely a boy."

Grateful for:
-my bulbs
-Downton Abbey. . .the suspense is killing me!
- Dottera aroma touch oil for my sore back!
- My mom teaching me to quilt as a kid

Vegas

I've stuck to my goal of writing and taking pictures everyday.  Unfortunately I haven't posted them yet!  Baby steps I guess :)
    So I'm sitting here at my desk in my room.  I have the bookkeeping pile scattered from here to there and I surprisingly really enjoy it.  I love having a mess and organizing each thing and putting it in it's place.  Nothing makes me happier than putting numbers and papers organized where they belong. 
    The boys are all dressing up as spys.  They are pulling out their church clothes and looking for black hats and badges . . .and of course. . . .black sunglasses.  Do spys wear their cubscout belts? If not, they should. . . .it looks stellar!
     My sweet adorable, and most beautiful dog lays here at my feet.  I've never had a dog I adore more than my sweet violet.  I bought her from a lady that owns four other dogs and 11 additional pets.  She had her perfectly trained but her other dogs were so dominant Violet was getting neglected.  I didn't know if I wanted an older dog.  Let the record show that I am completely in love with her.  I cut my hand and yelled out in pain and cried.  Two seconds later I heard violet scratching at my door, whining and howling trying to get in.  One morning I thought one of the kids had crawled in bed with me, I turned over to cuddle them up when I felt a big slimy tongue on my face.  She had her head resting on my shoulder and her paw over my back.  Am I supposed to find this so adorable?  I'm not this kind of a dog person! 
     I'm so grateful for these little joys.  As I've thought about the little boy near our neighborhood who passed away, Mitchell, I've really been struck with perspective on the Lords plan.  What a painful thing to lose a child.  I cried daily reading his story, and find it inspiring that Mitchells sweet parents would allow the world a glimpse into their painful process of losing their boy.  Their faith is enormous and the kind that moves mountains.  Suddenly bills, clothes left on the floor, and dishes in the sink become irrelevant and not worth a second thought.  Suddenly the only thing that matters is that my family is mine forever and that I'm keeping myself worthy of them. 
     Grateful today for :
My little brother calling me
Thomas finding out he can jump up and down in his crib
3 'spy's' running around the house investigating crimes
1 dog looking out the window with her paw resting in my lap
Friends who text me awesome insights to things they are reading they think I'd enjoy

SUNSHINE!

So you know that St. George trip we took I mentioned in that last post?  Here are some pictures from it!  I never used to have seasonal depression, but as I get older I think its affecting me more and more.  Beautiful 60 degree weather and beautiful bright sunshine made me feel FABULOUS!
     I was listening to a talk by Brad Wilcox called "Learning, (not earning) Heaven" and he talked about feeling like "Why can't I just be ok for a while. . .why is there always a trial around the corner".  His wife lovingly and wisely (being a nurse) said "Brad, when you flatline, that's bad. It's the ups and downs on the monitor that tell you you're alive".  Isn't that great?!  I loved that! 
   So a day at the park was SO invigorating to me.  We had races, played Frisbee, climbed trees, absorbed plenty of sun, played on the swing set and went down the slides.  It was bliss.
     I'm grateful for so many awesome people in my life.  My kids bring me so much happiness.  Sure, AnnMarie pukes in the hotel room and the boys fight in the car about who touched who first, but I'm trying to absorb every second I have with them.  They are growing up so fast. 
     Lately I've been really pondering about the magnitude and importance for us to have trials in our life.  You can play out as victim to it, or you can give it all to the Lord and use each one as a teacher. Because of the trials in my life, and first hand seeing the lessons and faith that I NEEDED to learn, I've realized that if I were to choose it again. . . .I would.  I don't think we were as ignorant in the pre existence as some claim we were.  I don't think we didn't understand the magnitude of what earth life meant. 
    I truly believe we KNEW the refiners fire for what it was and were ok going through it, because we saw first hand the lessons and experiences capacity to teach us.  And I think it is why were were anxious and determined to follow the Lords plan and go through this life.  I've never had a trial that I didn't learn something imperative to my growth. 
    I highly suggest reading or listening to the talk by Brad Wilcox.  It's brilliant. 
  

Once upon a time there was a house. . .

The beautiful dream home we were going to move into. . . . .about that. . . . .
I've been avoiding writing about it.  My heart feels a little anxiety everytime I think about it.  sigh.  So here we go. . .
     The amazing family we have fallen in love with as much as we've fallen in love with their house, moved out of their house several weeks ago on a Friday.  That Saturday we drove by it, sitting there empty, calling out our name, and ready for us to begin moving things in. I swear it sang me a song as we drove by.
      Scotty called them, ready to get our key, my heart was already sitting in Sandy, and I was anxious to get the boys enrolled in the new elementary school.
    Scotty called me as soon as he had hung up with the homeowner.
   
    He told me to sit down.

The family had indeed moved into their new home.  The first night in their new mansion, water started coming through the roof.  The furnace went out.  They quickly found out the beautiful million dollar home they had already put money down on, . . . .was a lemon.  A MAJOR one. 
    They were frustrated, freezing, and decided to have a family fast.  Sunday morning, the family of 11 decided Sandy is where they belong, and Monday morning they hired movers to pack up and move them back into their home.  My beautiful dream home.  My home I was going to have a Newfoundland dog, an acre in the heart of Sandy, and a massive wrap around porch.  No wonder they couldn't part with it.  It is their dreamhome too.
    So we had some options.  We could continue negotiating the offer we had on our home, sell it, and move into a rental until we found another home.  But why do that?  The only reason we wanted to move was to get into that house.  So we took our house off the market and have decided to plant our roots a little deeper into Herriman.
    The next week the kids were enrolled back into school, and I started fixing up the house for ME. It feels good.  A few new lamps, some fresh towels, and re arranging some furniture always freshens things up and I'm good with staying now.  Heartbroken, but peaceful. 
   
    To get out of our gloom we've decided to head to St. George for 2 days.  Scotty has a job fair he's recruiting for Food Storage Chef, so I told him we might as well all head down to get some fresh air, sunshine, and a little warmth.  SLC has been miserably cold and the inversion is awful.
   SOOOO we headed out to St. George.  Oh man was it cold as we left.  We stopped by Dennys and grabbed some dinner and about 30 minutes before hitting Cedar City, baby T started screaming.  Totally not like my little guy.  He can sit through a 12 hour drive and not make a sound. So by the time we hit Cedar, we were done and pulled into the closest hotel. $33 bucks later we were happy just to get in and warm our frozen little tootsies.  It was great until annmarie face planted in the snow and started screaming.  I got her up to the hotel and got her in the covers and then she worked herself up in such a fit she projectile vomited all over the bed.  That was pretty awesome.  Finally got the kids to sleep and around 1a.m. Tommy woke up soaked in poop.  Great timing to forget the wipes.  A warm wet towel had to do (the cleaning lady is SOOOO going to invite us back).  Around 3 a.m. he woke up again screaming and I pulled him into bed with me, his little body frozen. Would've been ok except the mattress sagged in the middle and Scotty and I couldn't really move without elbowing eachother.  As I type this I realize. . . . .no wonder I woke up cranky!  
   So Scotty took off for the jobfair and left me with the kids to grab breakfast and head to St. George.  They have been great and now we are comfortably settled in a home owned by our friends have GRACIOUSLY let us stay in tonight.
    I'm sitting here thinking about the five trillion things I need to get done for work, the paperwork that is supposed to be in tomorrow, the house that is nothing less than nationally declared in a state of disaster, and I am so discouraged again.  And then I get frustrated that I've allowed myself to be discouraged.  I feel like the past few months have had some big setbacks and discouragement. I know this is what life is about, and I know I'm only telling you about the frustrations I've been dealing with.  So a change is in order.
    I'm taking a 30 day challenge.  You can look up the 30 day challenge on the TED sight.  Add something to your life and do it for 30 days.  My excuse for not doing it in February is that it only had 28 days, so yes, my OCD self says 'oh well if you can't have a perfect 30 day month then you best not do it at all'.  Laugh it up. But that seriously went through my head.  So I chose the month with 31 days.
    So I think my goal is going to be to post a blog post every day with a picture from my day.  Definitely won't be entertaining, but it'll be a good goal to shoot for. 
   Tune in. 
    
  
   
    

Elder Holland

Here's the awesome talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland I was referring to in my post.  Love love love.

When it rains it pours

     Yesterday was one of those days that I was exhausted, and wanted to stay in bed all day long.  But I didn't.  I did the 'right' thing, left my husband and sick 5 year old home, and headed out in 2 degree weather with the 4 other kids to church on my own.
   Besides my new dress being totally electrified from static and creeping up my legs every time I'd walk down the hall, church was lovely and I heard the messages I needed to hear.  I always do, especially on the days I really just want to stay in bed.
     I got a little bit discouraged because it was mentioned in Sunday school (something I already knew but sometimes is hard to hear) that if you're not feeling the spirit in your life you need to re evaluate because feeling the spirit is a good indicator if you're on the right path.  Dang.  I kinda wanted to walk out right then because the guilt was just squeezing my neck.  I've read my scriptures.  mostly.  And I'm good at family prayer, kinda.  And I love to read talks, when I have time which is basically NEVER the past several weeks.  I kinda got that feeling in my throat that I wanted to cry, but I also knew I had 10 minutes left in church and if I did I would have to round up all the kids from all their classrooms and go home, because I couldn't just sit in church and CRY by myself.  I didn't want anyone asking me if I was OK.
    Last week my oldest son told my husband and I that we are just too busy.  He said "Mom sometimes you just need to put your work down and just be with us".  My 10 year old said that.  You know if your 10 year old has to sit you down to have this conversation, you've suddenly reversed roles.
    So when I was sitting down in church, I knew instantly I haven't been the mother I should be.  I've let everything stress me out.  I've let everything give me anxiety and I've been running, NON STOP. And my role as mother and caregiver and nurturer have felt like they were getting in my way of the 'stuff' that I needed to get done.  No wonder I'm not feeling the spirit.  My heart is living on fear, not faith. And my actions have told my family that they need to step aside while I 'get things done'.
   Here's the good news: I recognize it now.  And I started feeling better about things.  So I told my hubbs about my new plan to get refocused and recommit and find balance, and I kissed him goodbye, grabbed the kids and headed out the door to FHE at my parents house with my siblings.
    I got out of my neighborhood. And my car pooped out.  Right there next to Pres. H's house.  It had gas.  It wouldn't start.  My car hadn't even warmed up yet. So there I am sitting with my little girl, my baby, and my oldest son freezing in 0 degree weather with a dead car, and a sick husband at home with my sick boy. (My other son wanted to stay home with my sick Wes-man because he was concerned he'd be lonely)  This was going to be a fun conversation asking the hubby to get out of bed and come rescue me.
    Of course he did graciously and Pres. H came running out to meet us and towed my car into his shop and worked and tinkered and found out the fuel pump was probably out.  On top of my gas being frozen anyway. So I moved car seats, and headed off, AGAIN to FHE.  I think I inhaled dinner and sank a little lower in the couches because I was so comfortable and so happy to be there.  I love being with my siblings. (and I admit, I needed a sister fix to boost me )
     I got home, watched some tv and fell into a blissful sleep. Until my baby got up with a raging fever around 3 am.  and 4 am.  and 5 am.  and 6:30 a.m. poor guy.  It's round 2 of sickness for this kiddo this month.
    Ok.  NOTHING is going to discourage me now.  I'm keeping happy face, I'm keeping faith, and I'm going to make my kids a Crepe feast for breakfast while the repair guy seals the crack in my basement.  Nice guy.  Speako only littleo englisho.  I saw him head out to fill his bucket in the faucet in the backyard.  I ran out there and said "NOOOOOOO!!!  You can't use this faucet!  It has a crack in it and will leak into the basement.  NO FAUCET.  You can use the one inside. You can use the one in the front.  But NO FAUCET back here.  "ess ok, this one fine".   Again  "NOOOO you canNOT use this faucet! NO!" So he walked around front to fill his bucket.  I ran upstairs and grabbed the baby.  As I walk back into the kitchen, WHO do you suppose is attempting to fill his bucket in the backyard?  He opens the door and  says 'no water!'.  
                AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Of COURSE there's not water coming out of it! It's all coming in my BASEMENT! TURN IT OFF POR FAVOR!
Yep.  I walk down stairs and theres a beautiful little waterfall going down the side of my foundation onto the floor.  Luckily nothing was in it's way. Oh boy.  I look at the other guy in the basement and no joke this is what he says:
     he poinst to the stairs behind me and says "He do's it".
I turned around in silence and went upstairs to pull the burning crepe off the stove.
And then I laughed. and laughed. and laughed. and then I cried too.
If resistance comes in 3's, then I am done and ready to move on now!
Funny though.  That very second Elder Hollands voice came into my head with his talk that says "Boy, don't you give up.  Don't you dare quit"  It might sound really cheesy to you.  But I got a lot of comfort in that moment.  And suddenly I felt good.  And I felt the spirit.  And I felt so much relief.  Because if all this is goin down, that must mean I'm doing something right. And that great things are waiting ahead.  And I have a feeling today is going to be a great day after all.
 
   

New Years Resolutions

I have to admit. I have never been happier for a year to be over in my entire life.
  2012 had some awesome times. . .some of the best I've ever had.
But I did some really hard things in 2012 that forced my growth, which is awesome.
But honestly I am so relieved to have that year behind me!
So for 2013 I hope to gain a little more control, for lack of a better word. Not really control, maybe just the ability to 'go with it'. I guess.
One thing I touched on, a little bit, was surrender.
This year I want to be a master surrender-er (so that's not a word, but you know what I'm sayin)
I want to take charge and change the things I can.
I want to let go of the things I can't.
My little perfectionist self says that I will find happiness the day I can control the world and that as soon as we're caught up on school, my house is clean, my laundry is done, and my home is sold, THEN I will find ultimate happiness.  But that's a trap isn't it. 

 

I have a little box.  Nothing fancy.  Just a box.

When I come across something I just can't handle anymore, something that is out of my control, and that could be anything. Relationships, finances, selling my house, whatever it might be, if it's weighing on me, and I can't do anything about it, I surrender it. 

 I write it down, and throw it in the box.

Sounds funny I know. But it works.

So this year my New Years Resolution is to surrender.

I really want to simplify again.  I did that back in 2011 and I think that was my saving grace for 2012.  I took everything out of my life that wasn't necessary.  It was so refreshing!

This year I have a lot of complications.  I'm trying to tell this house, trying to move into a new house, homeschool, a new baby, 2 business's to do the books for, and not to mention all the unexpected things like burst pipes, sick kids, etc etc. 

I need to remind myself that the Lord will provide a way.  One time Elder Holland was giving a talk about the Red Sea.  He said "The Lord will provide a way, when there IS no way". 

So I will conquer everything in my life I am supposed to, but I need to be open to a change in path, keep an open heart, and accept the challenges as they come. 

So here are my goals for the new year:

 

1. Change what I can, love it, and surrender the rest

 

2. Be a better friend. We are wired for connection.

 

3. Take time out for myself. Write down my own dreams and desires.

 

4. Don't limit myself to practical.  I am a risk freak. If there's risk involved, I just won't touch it.  Time to shoot for the stars and cross nothing off the list as unatainable.

 

5. Focus on my family. Time to unplug from Facebook checks on the hour, turn off the tv, and enjoy family dinners again.  My favorite time is night before bed.  The house is quiet, the kids are playing after dinner, I'm putting the last of the dishes in to wash, and I hear a 3 and 5 year olds conversation.

 

6. Go to the temple.  Let go and let God (love that saying)

 

7. Weekly date night- VITAL to a marriages health

 

8. Try skiing- EEEEK I'm nervous

 

9. Get off my sugar addiction

 

10. Get a Newfoundland Dog . . .150lbs of pure love!

 

So there they are.  You know you have the right list, when you look at it without anxiety, but feel invigorated instead.

 

Cheers to 2013!!! 

If you had to choose just one goal, what would it be? Just curious.

BTW. . .I'm working on my vision board and will share it soon. . .I dare you to do one!